Nothingman

The fog rolls in,
It is thick and gloomy.
Nothing looks like it should,
A shipwreck of depleted colour.

On this nameless street I walk,
Passing me by are pale blank faces.
Lacking all facial features,
Making me the different one.

A haunting reality this is,
I cannot speak.
There is no noise,
As the barren walk by.

The silence is controlling,
The silence is strange.
I am the one with a soul,
They are the nothingman.

Empty canvases,
That is all they are.
No colour and no life,
They are the nothingman.

There is nothing I can do,
Except be let down by the truth.
Maybe it would be easier to be an abandoned shell,
I wish I was a nothingman.

Reach

Never let me go,

The ocean is calling me.

I drive towards total darkness,

Black.

No hope around,

No answers to my problems.

I can't even hear myself think,

Lost.

There's no illumination,

Where I am going.

Crashing of tidal waves,

Breathless.

I look back to where I used to be,

Seeing a setting sun.

I think I am breaking down again,

Melancholy.

Too many words I used to say,

Without meaning.

I am beyond help,

Cold.

Never let me go,

I am engulfed by total darkness.

No light, no life.

Goodbye.

The light.

As I write this poem for you,

I shall confess my love.

I sit within a dark room,

Candlelit on emotion.

Lighting me up with your wisdom,

Charge me with your charm.

Take my hand with your kindness,

And kiss me in your arms.

A smile resembling the sun,

Your laugh to put me at ease.

If I ever stop thinking of you,

That's when tomorrow's are no more.

As I confess my love for you,

When I write these lines.

I can not wipe this smile off,

You're never off my mind.

I do not write this with a pen,

I do not write this with words.

I write this with all my passion,

I write this from my heart.

The lone Scotsman

Surrounded by grey,

The lone Scotsman stands.

Surrounded by black,

The lone Scotsman pipes.

It's a sorrowing tune,

Which takes all the colour away.

As the rain falls down gently,

Like the last few drops in a bottle of gin.

Where are the colours going,

The lone Scotsman stands.

He's taking all the colours,

The lone Scotsman pipes.

A crowd of one gathers,

To listen to the sorrowing tune.

Monochrome the setting,

Sadness takes his picture.

He thinks he see the colours,

The lone Scotsman stands.

The blues, the yellows, the greens,

The lone Scotsman pipes.

This is how he remember it,

Everything full of life.

Nothing shall ever get him down,

The sound of sweet tomorrow's.

Where has the rain gone,

The lone Scotsman stands.

My heart it thanks you kindly,

The lone Scotsman pipes.

My voice will be heard

My voice shall be heard from this wilderness,

I shout and shout and shout.

But there's distance between us,

That feels greater than this love.

I shall fight my battles though,

Fight with myself for you.

There is no time for me to rest,

Sailing across the seven seas.

To keep you close to me,

You'll step away and watch me grow.

You're my voice as I write this,

In the dark you still inspire me.

Through the harshest of winters,

And the perfect of summers.

Follow me with your heart,

Because that's where I keep you.

Writing my feelings in the sand,

Everyday a struggle.

The wind blows away my progress,

Leaving me with nothing.

And when it feels like there's nothing,

And it looks like there's nothing.

My voice will be heard from this wilderness,

I shout and shout and shout.

Blank stares and intoxicated dreams

Floating away,

directionless life.

Tears of sadness,

None of joy.

I'm floating away,

In this directionless life.

Time is no matter to me,

Time is irrelevant.

It is never for me,

It has never been my friend.

Time is foe,

Enemy.

And there's a face in the clouds,

Which resembles me.

This cloud brings lightning,

This cloud brings a storm.

I am the bearer of bad news,

Because I am bad news.

For the first time in life,

I have exhaled.

In this directionless life,

Floating away.

What is it like to be you?

What is it like to be you?

Answer here

For all the fish I could not catch.

I've been here before,

and it's cold.

It's still,

It's loneliness.

I can't breathe,

I can't be inbetween.

Where I am darling,

It's unbelievable.

I watch the world go by,

Literally.

I was once gold baby,

Now I am just glitter.

The closest man to me right now,

Is who you all call God.

The ocean of knives,

and the tears you've cried.

They're not enough,

To crack the sky.

I am an ageing mind,

In an ageing time.

There will be no hope for me,

The man on the moon.

Dear Friends

Dear Friends,

Here I stand and the edge of the world.

Arms in the air,

A foot over the edge.

If this ship is sinking,

Then I sink with it.

Eyes closed as I tremble,

A deep breath.

It could be my last,

It could be my first.

I turn away and run,

Run from the edge.

The blackest of places,

I have been.

Without you my dear friends,

I would be just a memory.

With the light of life,

Giving me its all.

I make the most of opportunities,

and right all my wrongs.

Shirt and tie,

No longer rags.

I look forward to tomorrow's,

With no fear of failure.

Alexis and her little hell.

"We're gonna live forever" is what he told his wife with a rye smile. She was a beautiful woman, with sun kissed sandy hair and a personality to match. It was something about him though, that attracted her to him. Was it his calm demeanour? Maybe it was that he actually understood her. No one else really did. She came from a very religious background but was not a believer. She didn't call herself an atheist. She was just who she was.

It was a beautiful outlook she had on life though. She didn't hold a grudge to anyone, even if her life had been rough. It was roses for her, and she was the sweet scent that made you smile. If you knew her, you would understand.

The sun was fading, it was drawing closer to the night. The colours emitting were the lovely light before the total darkness. It was this moment in time, every evening she knew that things would start to get bad. The moon rose, in a crescent form. It glowed bright. The temperature started to drop. Dew formed on the lawn.

He shook her violently. Laughed in her face. The swollen eye and bleeding nose wasn't enough, obviously. He had to punish her more. It was for her lack of faith. She was the devil's minion. That's what he liked to call her, along with other things. Not even begging him to stop would get him to reverse his actions. The tears and screams couldn't ever stop this rampage. Not tonight. Tonight, she was going to die.

Stuttering sorry's screamed from her mouth. He took no notice of her apologies. With the spine of the Bible he hit her. Across the face and in the motion of hitting her, a tooth went through her lip and lodged in to the book. Agonisingly she screamed. This made him even more angry. His guide was ruined. It'd been passed down, generation to generation. He had read it every night. It was his life.

Tying her to the chair, this could be the last straw. As he spoke to her, he spoke of evil. Spoke of being an embarrassed. She knew no matter what she said that it was never going to be okay. She sat in silence. Clenching his fist, he gave an unforgettable smile. As his smile left an imprint in her memory, so did his fist.

Screaming, and sweating. Heart pounding. Lying directly up in bed. He consoles her. Anxiously thinking it was the man from her dream. It wasn't. The man in the dream was her father. Holding her dear now was her husband. Loving her for who she was. A life now seemingly perfect she lives, as the reoccurring nightmare is a shade of her living hell she dealt with as she grew up.

Victoria

Skin pale as the moon,

With a frilled brown dress.

She trots around the town,

With sadness upon her face.

This is not what she's used to,

As she looks to find a cure.

High-rise apartments,

and department stores.

This is not how it was at all,

A future built on a forgotten past.

She was here before them all,

Yet now not a care in the world.

Never say never.

It seemed as though there was never enough time in the day for her. She had so many things she wanted to accomplish, but not enough time to do so. She enjoyed being busy. Even if it meant she never got to see her friends. I mean, what did it matter?

Working all day was the least of her worries. She didn't like to go home, there was someone there that she did not like. Abusive he was towards her, as his day consisted of laying in bed or on the couch until she got home. Was this why she kept herself so busy?

The boss told her to leave early, that she'd worked enough this week. She dreaded what would await her if she got home. She tried staying longer, but orders are orders. There was nothing more she could do.

The scene was set. It was twilight, and a smoggy city was the location. Her apartment was situated on a busy street. She spent as much time as she could waiting to cross. Time was not long enough. She was trying to stay positive but as the sun went down so did her mood and her will to live.

She opened the door softly, and the watch on her wrist read just after six o'clock. A lump in the back of her throat died away when she realised he was not at home. A sigh of relief really. Contemplating going to the gym, as she threw her bag on to the bed and sat at the end of it.

Before her mind was made up, the door opened. The loud bang was actually her partner. She had no time to hide before he wandered into the bedroom with a rye smile on his face. An arrogant sounding hello leaked from his dried lips. Followed up by a wink, he then questions where she's been all day and what took her so long.

Lies of "I'm not going to hurt you" sprung from his ugly face. He looked like he'd gone twelve rounds with Mike Tyson, but his drug addiction was the one who had really knocked him out. There was no attraction any more, it was more like a fear of being alone. He once was a handsome gentleman. Clark Gable like. Then his love for methamphetamine turned him wrong.

Grabbing at her wrist, as if he was trying to strangle her veins as he raised his voice at her. Filthy profanities and curses echoed through the bedroom. For living on a busy street, it seemed even the cars had stopped to listen in to the violence.

With only murmurs and broken words being spoken, she tried her very best to stick up for herself. Tears like a hailstorm ran down her soft face. She was once a natural beauty, but not enough make up in the world could cover up what he'd done to her.

Incoherent screams and loud crashing noises were the only types of sound in her life. Nothing else existed for her. He was a bully, he demanded the money she'd earned today. She tried her best not to give in to the animal, but the beauty lost out to the beast.

He then left her, on the floor. She was now starting to think she deserved it. Though she did not sign up for a life like this. She was a scholar student, and was an entrepreneur. The world being her oyster and she was as pretty as a pearl. Now she's lucky to have five minutes of clear conscience.

The traffic seemed to have gotten back to it's mad state of rush hour. With more horns blearing and angry pedestrians. She cried. Not about her current situations, but remembering back to how life was. This was not a life. This was hell, shackled to the back of a moving truck which was plummeting down a cliff. Not even that, in her mind was as bad as what she had to deal with.

It was time. Time to move on. Time to get away. Time to make up for lost time. She didn't know how much of it she did have until he arrived back from getting his fix but she had to hurry.

Taking what was important, and stuffing it in to her duffel-bag. There was a watch her late grandmother had given her that she kept in the bedside draw. She put it on and cracked what seemed to be a smile. She'd forgotten how to form one it had seemed, until now.

With a bag packed full of as many clothes as she could fit in there, it was time to leave. She did not look back once. There was nothing to look back for. Nothing was worth what she had been living in. Nothing at all.

She hailed a cab. Before he was given time to ask where she was going she spoke softly and said "Just drive, just drive". Nodding in approval he did. Following her orders he did. The taxi drove from the busy street, and kept on going. They headed west, in no general direction. It could have been a coincidence, but the coast gave her the most beautiful sunset to look at. A twinkling of light in her eye. The colours of purple, orange, pink and red painted a portrait for a new beginning.

Orchestra's and promises.

I witnessed her from a distance,

As the car I rode in turned the corner.

She stood under the streetlight,

As if it was something out of a movie.

Beautiful doesn't even seem to describe her,

The closer I get the shorter my breath is.

The car stops and I open the door to get out,

A shy smile from her perfect lips form.

It's hard not to smile back at her,

In front of me she stands in her perfect beauty.

The light illuminates her in a way,

That makes my heart skip its beat.

She smells of a lavender field,

And looks like a breathtaking sunset.

Skin as soft as the summer sun,

With words spoken lightly as gentle rain.

Nothing compares in this world,

As I lay eyes on this girl.

There is no such thing as darkness,

When she is so bright.

A gentle embrace is in order,

And above us a sky of shooting stars.

She is love,

She is love.

The Southern Cross

Out the window,

On a still summer's night.

I stand and gaze,

To that which looks over us all.

Above us it sits,

Reminding us all who we are.

Our shadows never look the same,

Under the formidable night sky.

No matter what,

It is there, it is ours.

Sailing alone,

On a winters night.

Winds and tide,

Rise around me.

Lost all sense of direction,

Not knowing where to go.

To which I look above me,

For you to carry me home.

A twinkling guide to the homeland,

I'm lost without you.

Fall to my knees in the rain,

I think I died this time.

It's thunder and it's lightning,

There's terror in my bloodshot eyes.

But the clouds open through the storm,

Staring down at me, is that what illuminates.

And of all the things we swore we never would forget,

It was you.

Ancestral journeys across the ocean,

You guided our forefathers here.

To give us what we have now,

Through hardship, and spilt blood.

The stars above us shine so bright,

Always have, and always will.

The Southern Cross,

You guide us home.

To the land of the long white cloud,

Aotearoa.

I'm a human, not a headline.

Taunts and teasing,

Curses and swears.

It's only 8.30,

My life is hell.

A small town boy,

I grew up religious.

With glasses on,

Never short of a smile.

High achiever,

Quiet in class.

Little do they know,

Today is my last.

The clock runs slow,

My fate runs short.

Destiny awaits me,

No turning back.

I update my Facebook.

"Goodbye, no turning back"

I hurry along,

To the bridge after dark.

To take my own life,

No misery at all.

A spot in time,

A blur in the back.

With nothing to lose,

All is lost.

A human he was,

A headline he is.

An end of a life,

Suicide.

I have seen the moon today.

Full moon,

Crisp, beautiful, bright.

Cloudless night skies,

It's such a wonderful world.

As I silhouette I sleep alone,

As stars glisten above.

I've seen the moon today,

But yet to see you.

The colours you bring,

In to my life also bring me a smile.

I'm a grey road away,

But farther by heart.

The lake sounds gentle,

A soundly heartbeat.

Pick me up and take me home,

Because I can't walk alone.