UNEDITED pt1 (HELP WITH A NAME PLEASE)

Silhouettes surround me as the presence of unknowing and the feeling of being lost covers my initial thoughts. Everything I once knew, everything I once had has now disappeared. The moon glistens as if it was a new shiny dollar, it holds the secrets of the unspeakable truth. I'm bloodied and bruised and I stare willingly up; but to what? The muffled sound of incoherent speech is directed to me, I think; but I am more worried about how I even got here. Hands bound, I tense to break the shackles of confusion. Fear of not getting out alive strikes me like a sharp stabbing pain.

"What have I ever done to deserve this?"

"What haven't you done?" - The words are pounded into me.

The tall trees shelter the geographical landmarks I may recognise, but I am so dense in this forest I would not know where to start to get out. Laughter erupts from what appears to be an old GMC pick up truck. The interior light is on, and from what I can make out all of the silhouettes are holding weapons. Before I can establish more they head my way and once again, I black out.

~

The next time I regain conciseness it's day light. The tall green pine trees seen to go on endlessly as I see a hill which as well as the terrain I am on, is covered in them. A menacing look as I want to evade capture and survive. The GMC is silver, with a red drivers side door that doesn't match the vehicle. The silhouettes are now people. Two of them to be exact. One of them so very distinctive. He would be about 6'6" and a solid build. He shaved his head and had hazel eyes that were piercing. His ginger goatee fitted well on his face as he looked over at me, he knew I was awake. I didn't know what to expect.

"You're here for a reason, and you know it too jackass." - His voice was deep and bellowing.

The hairs stood up on the back of my neck as his words were processed in my thoughts.

"A reason? Oh of course I know!" He picked up the sarcastic tone in my voice, his facial expression changed, he now looked angry.

"You really know how to piss people off, don't you?"

As the sentenced finished he gave me a damaging blow to the nose. It reminded me of high school, and the days I spent head first in the toilet bowl as bullies made sure I knew who was the boss.

"You keep talking, I will repeat what I just did" His voice seemed to have shaken the ground and registered some movement on the Richter scale.

I sat up, my hands were still bound, the grip seemed to have tightened. The sun was trying to poke its rays through the thick cloud. It must have been about midday, I am sure of it.

The other guy comes over to me, his balaclava covers his face but he is about 5'9" and had brown eyes. This is all I could make out of him as he picked me up. I was unwilling at first, but I knew if I was cooperating, I could get some wanted information out of them. We walked for about five minutes for which I decided I wouldn't say a word. As we walked I couldn't hear him speak, but the words were muffled and I couldn't really hear. I heard profanities and decided not to bother questioning him. Five minutes later we arrived at a river, it wasn't too wide. The water was crisp. The soothing sound of the trickling river rapids going over the rocks filled the air. It was the only sound apart from my mind I've heard in a long time. It was somewhat nice. Though I was in a situation where I had no idea what was going to happen next.

I was thrown to the ground, the five minute walk must of been too much time with me, as I looked up he gave me a look of disgust. He pulled a knife, my heart started beating rapidly. He walked behind me and we never lost eye contact. He gripped my tied hands and cut them loose. My heart skipped a beat then returned to it's natural rhythm.

"Go, wash yourself. I'll give you ten minutes, then you're done."- His words were more than intimidating. I gave him a sly nod then preceded to bathe in the river.

The water was cold. I ran my fingers through my hair as the water soaked my body. It was a relaxing. A feeling I hadn't experienced since waking up last night.

"That's enough. Get your ass out of the river."

He no longer had his balaclava on and he has chiseled facial features. A strong jawline and a clean face. Brown short hair that seemed to be receding. As I got out of the river he didn't bother about tying up my hands.

On the walk back I noticed no tracks leading to the camp. I have no idea where they got in to this area. I tried not to look suspicious with obvious looking around, so I just casually moved me head left and right, as if I was looking to where the birds were squawking from.

Once back to where the big pickup was parked I was shoved to the ground. For the first time in a long time my hands saved a face-plant. I turned over to see a gun directly in my face. The man with the ginger goatee was staring down the barrel of a sawn off shotgun.

UNEDITED pt2 (HELP WITH A NAME PLEASE)

The seconds passed as if they were minutes. Nothing broke his concentration as his eyes gazed sharlply into mine. A smirk slowly grow into his face; then a smile; then a full on laugh. I never lost eye-contact but the thoughts of why he was laughing crossed my mind, as it was an awkward time to do so.

"Haha, I won't kill you. Yet."

These words were releiving, up until the 'yet'. I knew that my time was coming, but when, and why was yet to be determined. He pushed me to the ground and walked off, toting the gun on his shoulder and walking back to the truck.

I walk through the door, to find the bitch lying in the bathtub, she shrieks and begs for mercy. Like hell she'll get that. I pull a machete from my back pocket, her screams get increasingly louder. Not for long. I stab her, and it's empowering me. I just can't stop. I stabbed over fifty times and it was fantastic. She had it coming to her, she knows that I would come back. I am a man of my word. Her lifeless body sinks to the bottom of the red water. I pulled the paper out of my pocket and crossed out her name. Three to go. They will all go like you.

I wake up to rain dripping onto my forehead. It's pouring and cold. I hear the roar of thunder in the distance and a bolt of lightning illuminate the horizon. I scramble under a thick pine tree that will give me protection in the wild weather. I start to remember the dream I had. I killed somebody? Was this even a dream? Maybe this is why I am here. I overload my mind with questions that I have no idea how to answer or where to start.

I look over to the truck, to see the two men asleep. I try think back, as hard as I can to how I got here. I have no recollection, and the puzzling events leading up to where I am today is starting to give me a baffling headache. I sit myself against the tree and try my best to get back to sleep.

Yeah, this is it. 639 Forde Street. I try the handle of the door, it's locked. Fuck it. I kick the door down and I hear someone call out 'hello?'. That's the voice I am looking for. I turn left into the kitchen, to see a balding man. Bingo. He tries to get out of his seat, stumbles and falls to the ground. He pleads to me, like that will do anything good. Before I pull out a 9mm handgun he throws a knife at me, it slices open my right forearm. I hesitate a short second and then shoot. I empty the round of my trusty 9mm into his obese body. I wipe my blood on his face. Two down, two to do.

It's now daylight. The sun is somewhat shining, but the temperature doesn't reflect that. What the hell was last night all about? The dreams I am having are really starting to freak me out. The wind blows gingerly across my face and on the wind laughter comes. The two men are sharing a joke. I get off the grass and walk over to the pick-up.

I lean on the side as they eye me up. I feel another beating coming up. The man with the ginger goatee grabbed a tyre iron from the back of the GMC. Anger seemed to overwhelm him as the grip on the iron was tight, he was not letting go.

"You want to know how it feels? Huh? You want to feel the torterous pain you left on families after what you did? People like you don't deserve to live."

Before I could say anything, he swung wildly at me. I fended off the first blow and something caught my eye. A scar, about 5 inches long on my right forearm. Identical to the wound I had in my dream. What the hell does this mean? Am I....Am I a....

A smirk came across my face, the weather was ominous and so was the mood. The rain poured with no holding back. Just how I liked it. I stepped out of the Mercedes and ran to shelter. I flicked the rain off my trenchcoat with my hands and adjusted my looks. It's go time. The weapon of choice would be my 9mm, I tapped it to remind myself where it was. A holster on my right, attached to my leather belt. The door was ajar, something was not right here. I stepped into the hallway which has family portrats. I stopped and peered at one. I recognised two people in them. My targets.

I know the bedroom is the left, I turn the handle and enter. I see objects in the bed. I snicker to myself and think this couldn't be easier. As I take my 9mm out of the holster I am struck from behind. The gun flies under the bed and I lay on the ground motionless. I think I am about to black out. Before I do, I hear the forcefull words of "Hey boss, he's down."

I wake, knowing what I am. I am a monster, I am nothing close to human. I am a killer, I do what I am told. I erupt in an evil laugh. They know the truth, and so do I. I am no longer living life in a shade of uncertainty. I am a force not to be reckoned with. My victims were random. I had never met them, and knew nothing about them. Same goes for the victims.

"You fucked them over! You're a lunatic! You're not human, You're shit! A worthless piece of trash. This is the end. Don't bother begging for you're life. You have none."

His words meant nothing, he was just a man with a goatee to me. I was superior, I was one top of the word. Though, he was right. People like me don't deserve to live.

Steve-O's May. Update. What's new in his life and what not.

So May - where the fuck did you come from? Where the fuck have you gone?

What a quick month.

Basketball is going really well, the guys I coach and play for are three wins and one loss. We need one more win to be promoted. Good stuff.

Rugby League pre-season is going good. Hard trainings; my body is pushed every day and it's really rewarding. Hope we get enought boys to go to Nats. I would really love it if we could. Playing infront of NRL scouts - now that would be something to be proud of. Winning will come with the teams hard work and our brotherhood. I love being a team full of guys who are all good friends, where we can joke around and have some fun. Sure - I am not the fittest, strongest of best player. It feels as if I am when I am with the guys. Pure encouragement is another step towards my determination and without their help I don't think I could do it.

Upper Hutt Springboks; my rugby team. Social team but damn fun. Hannes Venter you truly are one of the best people I know. Thanks for letting me into this team and it's rewarding. Getting up and playing on a Saturday rather than having a lathargic Saturday is actaully good. Sure; we haven't won a game yet but it's a fuckload of fun playing with you lot.

School is going quicker than I hoped. It's almost June. The intervals and lunchtimes we spend (Cafe Crew whaaaat!) is really getting more and more cherished as each day goes by. In six months we will all go our seperate ways. I will think more about our break up when the time comes; but at the moment I am too busy loving every day hanging with our big group of friends. Pretty much we are whanau. Cafe Crew forever.

There's absolutely no chance of my passing Level Three. To be quite frank I couldn't care less. I have people skills. I am an outgoing and hardworking peron when I need to be. I think I will be fine with a job. I will get by. I have faith.

My girlfriend Danni, yeah we've been together for a month but out connenction together has been longer than our relationship. You're such an amazing person with a personality that I am really into. You make me smile all the time and even if we spend only the weekend together it makes everything way more awesome. You are a really fantastic girl and I know there's something special between us.

40 Hour Extreme Famine is next weekend. Your Weekend; their life. That's the tagline World Vision have this year and it's entirely true. It's the least I can do for those who suffer day in and day out. Feel free to donate some moolah my way. Extreme Famine :) www.famine.org.nz/SWTsoui

To everyone who reads this. Thank you. I love being able to express myself with people looking on and reading it. It's pretty mint.

Until the next time I write to this thing. Woop woop catch you later

A boy brushed red, living in black and white.

Can you feel your heartbeat racing?
Can you taste the fear in her sweat?
You've done this wrong it's too far gone 
These sheets tell of regret
I admit that I'm just a fool for you
I'm just a fool for you

Here is where we both go wrong

Tonight's your last chance to do exactly 
what you want to
And this could be my night
This is what makes me feel alive
Makes you feel alive

Here is where we both go wrong
So tie me up and toss this key
'Cause for now we're living

In this moment that we both ignore the truth
It's all over!
It's all over!

I feel your heart against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes, eyes

Your lungs have failed 
and they've both stopped breathing
My heart is dead and it's way past beating
Something has gone terribly wrong 
I'm scared, you're scared, we're scared of this
I never thought we'd make it out alive
I never told you but it's all in your goodbyes
It's all in your goodbyes

Well, look who's dying now slit wrists was sleeping
with the girl next door
I always knew you were such a sucker for that
It doesn't matter what you say
You never mattered anyway
I never mattered anyway

In this moment that we both ignore the truth
It's all over
It's all over

I feel your heart rubbing against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes, eyes

Don't shake, I hate to see you tremble
tremble like you've lost your touch haven't you?
I'm so addicted
So addicted

If a raptor wrote this; they'd call him a philosoraptor.

I sit and look, time has fast-forwarded.

I barely can remember my childhood memories; let alone saying good morning.

I remember there was once a time I didn't even know what facial hair was.

I remember the time when being cool was being able to do the monkey bars.

What was all that about?

Something was missing, and yet we always wish we were younger because of being closer to growing up.

I'd rather grow up, then go back in time.

Face challenges that I have been moulded to deal with.

Grow old with friends and family.

Grow up with many adventures and stories to tell.

Never looking back, loving every second of this.

How can you tell time, when time if just a fragment of disillusional imagination?

Time is what we make it, and what we make of it.

I say there's no such thing as regret

I say there's no such thing as maybe

I say we take life; with two hands.

Own it; make it yours.

You only have one shot, don't let yourself down.

Live for now. Live for forever.

In our hearts, Lest We Forget.

Once a field of dreams,

Once a field of life,

Once a field of death.

Now a field, a field of red.

The poppys grow on Flanders field.

It's beautiful red gets blown in a gentle breeze.

It's colour so full of life, it almost glows.

A flower so small, yet with a meaning so big.

A war we faught under the ruling of the King.

As we represented the Union Jack,

and faught so hard; with no looking back.

Soldiers left their homes on an adventure around the world.

Some came back to share their tales.

Though many did not. Lest We Forget.

Australians, Kiwis; we faught side by side.

April 25, we shall remember this day.

ANZAC day; to remember those who died.

We wear a poppy, a symbol of rememberance.

A tradition that will always live on through the length of time.

In our hearts, Lest We Forget.

If you know what special means; you're special to me.

As if a smile could mean anything more then just that.
Though; seeing yours I was proved wrong.
A smile that warms the veins; and melts my heart.
A smile of yours makes my heart skip a beat.

Beauty; seen through my eyes is completely you.
A glowing complexion I think I am addicted to.
With your nightlight eyes; they guide me to safety.
Undeniable beauty is all I can see.

Lips, pressed against mine. A memorable thought.
A heart beats with passion for a burning desire.
A love with you; is an urge in me.
Wrapped tightly in my arms, a future I see.

When life becomes so dark, what will be my saviour?

How many hearts will die tonight;

On the boulevard of broken dreams?

A shadow is cast; long and alone I stand

"Will you heart still race for me?"
"Or will it march to a new beat?"

A lifeless soul; dwelling.

If I could comprehend the feeling I have
Bitter words would be uttered from my mouth

I wish I could just get it right

A colourful red rose looks me in the eye
A glimpse of its beauty

has now brought me to tears

Something so delicate, that I hold in my hands
A colour so bold - within its self it sums up life
The horizon is never bleak

I just think of that bright red rose

and I will smile, forever thinking in my mind

you must follow your heart.

Biting fingernails anxiously to the point of I can't chew any longer

My hands tremble with uncertainty.
The pressure is all on my shoulders
and I collapse under its agonising weight.
I'm crushed mentally and it's not worth standing again.
I've been brought back down to the level I should be.
Those around me shake their heads in bitter disappointment.
I was not what I should of been
Expectations were not reached.
Shunted to the point of non-existance
I now stand in the shadows and silhouettes of those who are the same as me.
Genuine failures, a nobody.
A name which will never be spoken of again
I could of been someone; but I never was that someone.

Standing on the wings of time; alone.

Your shadow lingers out of my peripheral vision as the sunset on this day will be remembered forever....


The soft scent you left on my clothes made me feel like everything would be okay.
When you smiled the world stopped; and my heart would skip a beat.
Kisses which made the sunrise look dull would brighten up every aspect of life.
For me it was nothing short of perfect as I felt like heaven had lost an angel and she'd fallen into my arms.
Days quickened as the fun we shared we're more to me than just amazing memories.

The world crashed one day; and everything I once thought would be mine forever
Lost, shattered, broken. Gone.
Now I barely speak of this past; though all of it was worth remembering.
The past of memories; the future of time.


Your shadow lingers out of my peripheral vision as the sunset on this day will be remembered forever. No mater whats happened; the sun will forever shine and life will be lived with memories that will be nostelgic gold.